Capitalism, Socialism, et all

I received the following email today:

***Start***
An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student, but had once failed an entire class.

The class (students) insisted that socialism worked since no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism."

"All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A."

After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who had studied hard were upset while the students who had studied very little were happy.

But, as the second test rolled around, the students who had studied little studied even less and the ones who had studied hard decided that since they couldn't make an A, they also studied less. The second Test average was a D.

No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average grade was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling, all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else.

To their great surprise all failed. The professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail because the harder people try to succeed the greater their reward (capitalism) but when a government takes all the reward away (socialism) no one will try or succeed.
***End***

I think this story is imaginary and hence not right. There are just too many implausible assumptions. I'll list some, making one of my own assumptions, that this story is propagated by an anti-socialism capitalist.

1. It assumes that everyone slacks which is the worst case scenario. In the best case scenario, everyone would have studied harder cause everyone would have realized that by studying a little harder everyone would get an A.

2. Since the entire class believed in Socialism, chances are the A graders would have helped the others to improve by "sharing" their knowledge and tricks and tips for exams, etc. It assumes that students gave up their beliefs altogether after just 1 test.

3. It also assumes that most students in the class were A graders and a few few slackers, how else would they average B in the first test?! So with 1 + 2 + 3, this was the perfect class model for socialism to succeed.

Here's another implausible capitalist scenario for the class. The teacher likes the A grade student. So he pays more attention to them and ignores the F ones. He answers more questions of the A students and less of the F ones. He spends extra time with the A students after school hours to make them A+ where as the F ones suffer due to negligence and become F-. Since the professor already likes the A+ students he forgives a lot of their follies, and gives them a lot more opportunities. He also rewards them more handsomely for every little achievement. Infact none of their achievements are little any more. He also alters his teaching style to suit the A graders so that they can become A+++. All the time the F graders are being constantly ignored and becoming F---. The professor himself looks like a Professor+++ because he has some really bright A+++ students. Other Professors quicly learn the reason behind this Professors success and start replicating the same in their classes. So what we now have is a bunch of A+++s all over the place, who are, in fact, simply As, but think of themselves as A+++++++s, only hang around with other A+++++++s, and are completely oblivious to all the F----------s around them. The F graders grow up to envy the A graders, and the envy grows to envy++++++++ (or envy--------, if you like it that way) and eventually declare an all out war against the A graders. All the A graders and F graders fight each other all the time, and eventually everyone kills everyone, and everyone dies!

Delusionary POS

Every now and then I like to cross-check the meaning of certain words on dictionary.com. Todays word is delusion. Here are the first two explanations of the word delusion on dictionary.com

de·lu·sion [di-loo-zhuhn]
noun
1. an act or instance of deluding.
2. the state of being deluded.
(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/delusion)

How brilliant! Explaining the meaning of a word by using the same word! That makes me think that dictionary.com is a POS. Now, I know POS is an acronym, and habitually I also like to look up acronymfinder.com, which I promptly do for POS. 79 results returned and closest one to my intent is

*** POS Piece Of Stuff (polite form)
http://www.acronymfinder.com/POS~3.html

That makes me think that acronymfinder.com is also a POS!

Facebook, Twitter, et all

Earlier today, my good old friend asked me - whats the deal with twitter. I, a regular (not ardent) user, explained to my friend what twitter meant to me. You have 140 characters to tweet whats on your mind, and there are followers out there who are interested in following your tweets. Twitter seems like a good business idea e.g. if Toys R Us (my friend has a toddler) tweets a special discount at a neighborhood store, and you pick the tweet, you could get a deal sweet. Twitter is also good for celebs, where fans can get an inside peek into their day to day lives, whatever they are willing to share. So for a teen that is totally infatuated to the next American Idol winner, it is possible to keep up on the gossip because of all the tweets coming straight out of the horses mouth.

The talk quickly turned to Facebook, and my explanation was easier. Facebook is to me what Orkut is to my friend. A site that keeps me up-to-date on my friends (via status updates, posts, pics, etc). Inevitably the idea of losing real touch and inability to make new close friends took over the discussion. We seem unable to develop deep connections with anyone. We yearn for face value; everyone is busy in their lives. We want to meet friends more often, but alas we have to contend ourselves with the more passive ways of keeping in touch. All these thoughts have occurred to me before. After fighting them for a while I gave into the idea of - just go with the flow. That's when I joined twitter and became really active on facebook. I thought I had two choices - either sit and grumble about how we have lost those good old days OR do the best I can with whatever the new trends are...while not losing all the (g)old ways. I figured it's a phase of life that many before me have been through and many after me will, too.

I remember how my parents struggled to understand how I could talk to a friend on the phone for hours tonight and another few tomorrow morning. What could I possibly have to talk about so much so soon?! They never understood. Just like I don't understand why some kids today SMS and tweet and FB instead of simply emailing, chatting or best of all telephoning. But the one thing I understood was, my parents never had a phone to chat with friends for hours, I did. Then came emails, and I could write to more friends more regularly. It was so much easier than having to call each one - to give the same invitation over phone for example. Then came Instant Messengers, and that was a boon, cause now I could keep in touch with friends all the time, real time. I chatted for hours at a stretch, sometimes even going overnight.

Today I know a little more about a lot of people that I would not have, had it not been for facebook/orkut. I may not be in touch with all my friends regularly, but atleast I am not out of touch.

My latest addiction is updating my facebook status and seeing how many folks like it and how many have responded to it. I don't follow others as much as others seem to follow me. I figured that there are 2 kinds of people in the world - those that like to talk and those that like to listen. And no matter what the medium, those 2 kinds continue to co-exist for and because of each other. Needless to say I am the tweeter. Extending that idea further, I think that's why I am a standup comedian. I go up on a stage, in front of strangers, and like to talk to them. The audience, likes to listen to me, a complete stranger. We both co-exist for and because of each other.

The mediums may change but the purpose is the same. Staying in touch, and voicing your opinions, and the likes. Now the dilemma, should I post this on Facebook or publish it in my blog?!

Oh, and for all the talk about quality time with friends, my good old friend and I had this deep, long, philosophical discussion on GTalk!!

A nonsensical email forward...

Some time back I was forwarded the following email:

We can lower the price of gasoline if we work together. Please view the attached PowerPoint presentation and believe we can make a difference.

Then, the powerpoint goes on to elaborate how, by not buying from Shell/Exxon, we can create price wars and bring the price of gas down. Here's my question:

How about we choose to not purchase from Chevron instead? Since they are not the biggest they will feel the impact sooner. Or how about Arco? The extra transaction fee on the debit card purchases will also be cut down and then we can target 2 birds with one stone - Arco Gas and the ATM profiters. But wait, what if someone has begun a parallel chain to reduce the consumption of Chevron or Arco already? Maybe someone from Shell/Exxon.

How about we start another campaign, to drive hybrids only, so the gas consumption goes down automatically? But then, will Toyota, Honda and other hybrid manufacturers rule the market? In that case, why not start a campaign to stop driving altogether? But then there will too many people onboard the buses, which means the buses will consume more power to transport these people (and if an average American is to be accounted for...holy jeeragoli!!!). This also means that more buses more frequently will be needed to carry the passenger traffic, which in turn will increase the consumption of Gas. CRAP! We are back where we started!

O what the heck, its much easier to forward an email to 30 people. Now, i think i should forward this to everyone i received it from - as a reminder - just in case they forgot - dont buy from Exxon & Shell - even if you are on I-5 in Lost Hills en route LA and your car is running out of gas and the only gas station in the vicinity is a Shell. Push your cars and you can push those buggers to succumb into reducing the gas prices!

I am definitely boycotting Shell, as soon as i get a Chevron Mastercard that gives me 5% cashback on every gasoline purchase, and as soon as i am finished showing my folks from India around. Shell, you can make all the money you want in the next month and a half as i rent bigger vehicles and drive more and more, but come September...i mean July YOU ARE GONNA CRY!

(Originally emailed in May 07)

Rear-ended by a BMW

Every time I drive past a few bumped cars on a crawling freeway I think to myself, "Why can't people focus on the road while driving." I have never bumped into a car in front of me (did get real close one time in Mumbai when I almost ran into a stopped truck, but that is a different story, the truck fella was stopped in the fast lane and changing tires), atleast not yet, and I hope to keep that record intact. But this time, I am sitting in a stopped traffic jam on the freeway, I see a car's headlights in my rear view mirror, the car breaking hard, and immediately sense that it isn't stopping in time. Sitting like a lame duck, there is nothing I can do except embrace for the impact. How do I prepare myself for it? What am I supposed to do? I do what I've seen and felt is the most common thing to do - clench my eyes, hold on to the steering wheel, and await that dreaded metal-on-metal impact sound that is all so familiar with the number of accidents I have witnessed.

And then it happens, THUD! Followed by another THUD! This time from my car bumping into the car in front of me because of the force of impact from behind. Then there was a third THUD, the sound of me bumping into the car in front of me again, and I realise my foot is off the brake and my car is in motion. Slamming down on the brakes my first thought is, "Wow! No airbags!" I see the guy in the front car get out and try to walk to my car, but the cars around us have started moving again, and he does what seems most sensible at this moment - gets back into his car. The traffic around us is moving, and I sit here not knowing what to do. Looking back & forth I sense that everyone involved wants to get off the freeway, the fastest way being pulling over to the shoulder. We manage to maneuver ourselves there. Everyone steps out. I move the 3 of us behind the last car in order to keep us from getting smashed between one of our cars and the center divide, in case another car decides to join the party.

No one is hurt. I call 911. After confirming our location and no injuries I am asked the description of the 3 cars. A Mitsubishi Mirage in front, my Toyota Solara in between and a BMW behind it all. Wait a second, a BMW?! Over the past few years I have this thought brewing in me about BMW drivers. Driving a BMW seems a pompous proclamation of one’s recklessness. I once heard a fellow comedian comment on it, and I distinctly remember laughing hard at it.

I own a BMW myself, the difference - it's a motorcycle! I bought a touring bike. I remember the day I first walked into the BMW motorcycle dealership. Lo behold, the dealer offers me a 40 minute test ride. I ask him, "How come you allow test rides when no other Motorcycle company/shop does?" He said, "It’s because guys who come to us, who are thinking about a BMW, are a matured breed. They understand the thrills and frills of a motorcycle and have become responsible riders." What a paradigm shift! As a BMW Rider I am a mature, responsible person on the road; a BMW driver - rash, abrasive, reckless!

At the scene of the accident, we all exchange information and drive on. In the days that followed I heard quite a few people mention, "Thank God, you were not on your motorcycle at the time." WRONG! If I was on my motorcycle at the time, I would not be stopped in the traffic behind a car; I would be splitting lanes and passing all the stopped cars. Somewhere along the way I would probably see a few cars stopped in the middle of the freeway, bumped into each other, and think to myself, "Why can't people focus on the road while driving?!"

America or India?

Though I don't have one yet, I keep thinking (worrying?) about where to raise my kid. Do I raise him in America, where I now live and have made it my home, where I get to be what I want to be, and where he gets to be what he wants to be. Will he grow up any smarter, wiser, with the option to study and pursue anything under the sun right from an early age. He doesn't have to study chemistry if he doesn't want to. Nor does he have to become a doctor or an engineer or, for that matter, a cricketer. But that's not the concern, is it? Because all of that is dependent on me, and my wife, and how much pressure we put on our son to live up to our expectations. The concern is, will my son grow up Indian enough?

What if my son grows up with all the vices - weed, speed, meth, marijuana, alcohol, racism, uncultured, disrespectful, careless, reckless and what not. After all there is no one to keep an eye on him while he grows up in America. In India you got a thousand eyes watching you closely every moment of your life. There is no escape. Everyone is self policing, keeping you in check, all the time. They tell you what you can do, what you cannot do, what you should do, what you should not do, who you should befriend and who you should not. They don't have racism, they have cynicism. Cynicism because one has to look out for his own, because everyone else is hardly trying to improve their life, because everyone is trying hard to immiserate yours.

One of the things that I have read, and heard, and to a certain extent seen many many times, is how an Indian behaves spick and span outside his country but forgets it the minute he returns home to India. But in India he behaves spick and span in his home. Which means an Indian behaves right in his home and the rest of the world. What is it that makes him disregard the rest of India? Is this where I want my son to grow up? Where he keeps his house clean, and the rest of the world clean but litters all over India? The India where my son can't get by his life without bribing someone in some form, willingly or unwillingly. Where he has no clue when he will be left stranded without water, or electricity, or gas in his own home. Where he doesn't know when his next holiday is coming because the bus-wallahs or the taxi-wallahs or the teachers or some political party called a strike.

In India I have no control over circumstances but should manage to keep my kid under control (read fear). In America, the circumstances are pretty well set, and yet I may not be able to control my kid (child services?!). But is that the truth or is that the illusion? Are kids in India really under control? If I look at my childhood, youth and adolescence, I remember being the only one that didn't smoke, or drink, or do anything vile. I remember friends and neighbors that ran away from their homes, hit their parents, burn cars. I found it very disturbing that a lot of my friends were more willing to lie to their families than speak the truth; perhaps the pressure of living up to their expectations was too much.

More recently, everytime I made a trip back home I felt like a stranger, left behind, left behind by todays young generation that lives Hollywoodish and MTVish. I remember once walking along a popular "town side" college, seeing how the young college girls dressed, enough to put the Sharon Stones and Demi Moores to shame. I remember my own youth, where speaking double negatives like "I ain't not know" was cool. I would watch only English movies, and listen to only English music, because Bollywood was bakwaas and Hollywood, with its Rambos and Commandos, was jhakaas. Its a stark contrast to what I see in America today. The Indians, no matter where they were born, are more inclined to watch a Bollywood blockbuster on the opening weekend, watch Zee TV & Sony TV, speak to each other in Hindi, and those born in the motherland, gather together for Cricket World Cup. The festivals are celebrated with more culture and tradition than theie Indian counterparts, and wearing Indian clothes signifies a special coolness. And Indian food....ahh nothing beats it!

It seems like the Indians in America are more Indian than the Indians in India. Oh the dilemma!! I hope to find an answer before my kid shows up, because I have to decide where my kid grows up.